I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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