I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
