check it out our google latitudes are spooning
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
