I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
you traded sex for a burrito?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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