I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
