i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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