so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
