we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
