I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
