think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
