I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Randomize
