I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
There are leaves in my underwear?
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