I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I would ride that face into the sunset
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
