i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
