I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
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