I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
