My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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