I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
