There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
