you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Randomize
