Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
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