If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
