he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
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