Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
