It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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