Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
