He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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