Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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