You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
