she was so not down for the gang bang
even my farts smell like vagina
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
