Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
