sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
