I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Never underestimate the power of titties
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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