Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
