I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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