All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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