So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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