Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
