I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
