um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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