I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
