My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
