Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
