Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
