my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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