It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
My dick has a subreddit
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
