dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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