he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
