New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
