I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
