Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
